I’m sorry but I have been nothing but polite to you since the aforementioned truce began and I cannot be held responsible for whatever corruption my fellow glee clubbers exposed after I left. I can hardly say I was surprised but as I wasn’t involved, I expect the same courtesy that I offered you despite your numerous offences against me and my fellow glee clubbers. Regardless of your intentions, it was still blackmail and your act of glee club terrorism will go down in history as one of the true crimes of my generation. I can’t quite believe you would say such crude things about him even now but for the record, I was perfectly satisfied in all aspects of my relationship with Finn. He was perfect and I won’t let you slander him in any way simply because you have no legitimate defence against your awful past actions. I’m sorry but if it was merely meant to stain Kurt’s shirt then where was the necessity of putting rock salt into it. I think you’re forgetting that through Santana’s rather bizarre methods we had a full confession from you. Actually you’re far more delusional if you think that becoming a true star nowadays is anything other than an uphill battle. I have numerous producers and directors who adored working with me and once they begin projects that would truly suit me and my talents, I have no doubt that they will be clamouring for my return to the stage. There is a mere lull in roles that fit my voice, age and appearance and I cannot be condemned for that. I don’t need another job as my return to the stage is an inevitable as you dying alone once everyone realizes how truly awful you still are.
You’re entirely naive if you thought that, just because you decided to honour our agreement made you except from any downfall. Have you never heard the whole there’s no I in team saying? Because, while I know you’re a self centered and rather selfish human being, I wouldn’t have thought you’d drop your fellow imbeciles into it. It was hardly terrorism, grow up, Berry. It was a little game. Did your glee club not send spies to Dalton one time or another? Did you not try and sabbotage other performers in order to give yourself a greater chance? I hardly think you’re anywhere near as innocent and perfect as you think, and I actually think we have an incredible amount in common in regards to getting what we want. Rock salt drains dye out of wool and cotton when it is soaked with another dye, it would have left whatever hideous thing he’d been wearing that day with an extraordinarily terrible pattern on it by the end and rendered it unwearable. I admitted that there was rock salt in the cup, not that I expected Blaine to play the hero card and get in the way. And since Blaine has more than definitely forgiven me for that, it can hardly be used against me in any way what so ever, thus, your point has been made invalid indefinitely. You journey seems to have reached the uphill and them taken a tumble right down the other side. We’ll see about that, won’t we? Although I have a feeling that you might be, once again, in the shadow of your male counterpart for quite some time. If he’s what they’re looking for nowadays, you really have no luck coming your way regardless of who loves you.
It wouldn’t take much persuasion. I’d go just about anywhere if it meant getting away from Lima, though I’m not sure what Paris would have to offer me.
Then you’re clearly just as uncultured as all the rest. It’s a shame really. Considering I’m here and enjoying it far more than any of the cities I’ve actually had the inconvenience of living in, I’m pretty sure that should be a hint all on its own.
Sebastian! Blaine’s going to be so wounded to hear that you find him unbearable.
Don’t worry, Smythe - we all know you’re only civil to me because I’m married to Blaine. You don’t have to think I’m bearable, you just have to bring me coffee and we’ll call it even.
It’s all the hair gel and bowties, you can only take so much of them.
It’s the only way to get him to continue to blush instead of getting frustrated, after all. If I ever decide to leave my paradise, then I’ll do just that.
I think I’ll need at least three or four cups to properly determine the worth of this coffee. And, crazily enough, I’m not sure even coffee will make your presence bearable for longer than a few hours, so don’t worry, you’re safe. Well, Blaine is my husband, it’s kind of his job to be complimentary about me. If he wasn’t, we might have a probably. Admit it, you’re just getting older and can’t come up with insults against me anymore. I mean, I’m about to star in a Broadway play about Mormons. You have a lot of material to work with there. Your call, but I don’t think the parades are about shoving your rainbows in everyone else’s faces - it’s about unity. And it feels nice to be a part of something. If they have to wait until you die, maybe they’ll just have you murdered so the musical will have a dramatic ending? — No, we were fine in Paris, Sebastian, without stopping by any sex shops. Perhaps, but it’s either we go before I start my run or after, and I have no idea how long my run will last. But I guess we’ll plan to go back the next time we have a bit of free time.
Seriously - here I was thinking four years of Dramatic Arts in college and natural talent would help me get the role right, but of course I should have been thinking “Gee, I wonder how Sebastian Smythe would tell me how I could make this role better.” Silly me.
I’ll stretch to three and throw in a croissant recipe from my grandmother just so you’ll take it and leave it. Sound like a fair enough deal? It’s sickening and one of the many reasons that marriage was clearly a terrible decision. I have plenty of insults, but I’d prefer to use them verbally instead of via the internet. It’s much more entertaining to see you react to them. I’ll get back to you with a list and let you pick your favourites, how does that sound, Donny Osmond? Find a parade where it’s literally just a bunch of normal people, actually wearing clothes and no one if going over the top and then I’ll fly wherever it is and experience it. But the first rainbow or embarrassing scene I see, I’m out of there. Now that would be exciting. I’m sure I’d have quite a huge case considering the amount of people who send death wishes my way on the regular. Suit yourself.
Of course not. Every actor and actress needs a critic and I’m happy to be your critic, brutal honesty and all.
What’s your name again?
Very funny. When can I persuade you to ditch Lameville and fly over here?
What’s wrong with getting old? It’s natural—and it wouldn’t turn you into your dad, Sebastian, that’s ridiculous. Oh…wow. Well, um…as long as he’s…happy? I guess.
New York is wonderful and it’s a beautiful city. Don’t get me wrong—I loved Paris, but New York is just…it’s home. That sort of makes it the best city on Earth for me. I stop and take things in all the time. Then again…maybe that’s because I grew up in Ohio. Not that there’s an overwhelming amount of things to take in, in Lima at least. Have you ever even seen New York in person, Sebastian? That are some really beautiful places in the city, and plenty of beautiful buildings. It’s not miserable—it’s really nice to just go home at the end of a long day, change into sweats, and snuggle up under a blanket on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa and a book or a movie.
As long as you’re getting something out of it, I suppose. You’re crazy…what on earth do you eat? Is it just, like, take-out all the time for you? Doesn’t that get boring?
It’s not part of my life plan. Live young, live good. All that jazz. Who really wants to be a wrinkly arthritic prune which a mounting list of health problems and watching everyone die around you?
I have, actually. I found it rather uninspiring, far too modern and overcrowded with a sense that no one really cared about anything other than their own selfish goals. While Paris does have that to a degree, there’s also a sense of community which, personally, I believe New York is lacking. You can’t deny that Paris is much more aesthetically pleasing and clean in comparison to your dear home city. And if you do, then I’m going to get on a plane and bring you back here, because then you clearly didn’t leave the hotel enough to take it all in. It’s also really nice to come home, get dressed up, go out and enjoy the city when it isn’t trying to turn everyone into a human ice statue.
This is France, Blaine. It’s not like greasy Chinese is on the menu every night. There’s far too much variety to ever get bored.
So who missed me?
Better question is how much you’ve missed me?
You know when people tell you to do something, and you do because you wanna stay in the loop? But as soon as you do that thing, real life just says ‘no’, and makes you unable to do that thing? That’s me with tumblr. Hey guys, what’s going on?
Well if it isn’t Starchild himself making a relatively awkward entrance to the world where we’re all over run by Lima rejects. What’s got you so busy?
Only a cup or two? I think I’ll need a bit more proof than just a cup or two. Cinderfella? You know, your nicknames haven’t gotten any more creative in the last five years, Meerkat. I think it might be fun to go to a pride parade - Blaine and I actually went to one in New York City, and while it’s insane, it feels strangely uplifting to be part of something big like that. It’s not like we’d do it everyday, but once in a while, it’s fun. Obviously, you should make sure not to miss it next time, since, as I said, this is my city. Oh god, it would be long, Sebastian, and there would be far too many scenes with alcohol and dirty dancing. Well, we both agreed we wanted Paris for our honeymoon and we’re not upset about going there. It was wonderful. Calmed down - Sebastian, I’m literally about to enter a storm of activity. First Broadway role and musical, plus it’s a lead. I’m not really sure we’ll have any ‘calmed down’ time anytime soon, which is a shame…
Aw, of course, because how could I ever think of performing without your helpful hints and tips!
You’ll need a sip to realise what you’re missing out on and then I’ll never get you to leave. I’m limiting you for the greater good of my own sanity should this ever happen. I’m lacking new material to go by considering your dear husband is far too complimentary towards you, it’s sickening. It’s embarrassing and outlandish and gives all of us the reputation of being unicorns, which is absolutely pathetic, quite frankly. I’ll pass on that one, thank you. And people would enjoy the dirty details as much as they love cheesy musical numbers, you’ve got to admit that. Unfortunately, however, I think I’ll save the rights to it until my death bed, then anyone can take a stab at trying to recreate me. I’m upset that you never mentioned it prior so I could at least point you in the direction of a few decent sex shops at least. There’ll be a lull when you’re allowed to arrange a little while off and then you can take that time and make up for your horrendous mistake. Easy.
I don’t know why you would ever dare to.
Well, Blaine and I were both Dalton boys at one point if it makes you feel any better.
And only one of you is bareable 80% of the time.